So today brother skipped his tuition lesson again. Came home in the late afternoon and mum went to talked to him. This wasn't his first time. Somehow he just kept on doing such things which we repeatedly talked to him nicely over it but to no avail.
Today he told mummy that he hated my dad. For always scolding him and picking on him. For shouting at him really really loudly and not at me. That I could always go out with friends or bring friends home but he can't. Then he gave an example of the day (quite recent) when one of the car tyres became punctured early in the morning. Dad was really in a bad mood that morning so he kinda cursed and swear and shouted at my brother because he wasn't doing anything to help. (I wasn't helping too because we didn't know what to do) He literally shout and scold and said things like "stupid" to him while I stood there helplessly, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. I know my dad shouted at my brother and not me NOT because he favours me over my brother but because my brother is a guy. But my brother didn't see it that way. He felt it was unfair, to be the victim of my dad's anger.
Of course I felt bad. But honestly, I didn't know this was what my brother felt all these while. I thought he and my dad were on good terms, being the guys in the family. I didn't know he had all this resentment towards my dad.
It made me cry when my mum told me about it. It made her cry too. All of us know it's my dad's temper that was the root of the problem. Yet we also know my dad don't mean it. It's just a moment of anger. But my brother probably isn't that mature to understand that yet.
I cried too because it made me wonder, maybe I haven't been a good sister. Why am I always my sibling's subject of envy? It's so not fair to say my parents have been favoring me over them because that's so not true. They would always compared oranges to apples when it should be compared oranges to oranges and apples to apples. Yet it's so difficult for me to tell them that. :( truth to be told, sometimes my mum envy me too, which I can tell from the way she says things.
It hurts me. That they think that way. And that it's that thinking that's hurting them. So somehow I'm hurting them indirectly without knowing? I hate it, hate being envied by my loved ones.
And I don't know what to do. Sigh.
What's there to envy of me?
I'm just me. The ordinary, me.
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